I Bent My Wookie

A Note to a Dentist (It was a bad note)

2010-04-17T08:41:00.003-06:00

This is a note to say thanks to my old dentist that screwed up my root canal. Because of his lack of ability I have now had two extra procedures. One to redo the root canal and the other is a surgery I just had done on Thursday. So thanks, Dr. Hammond of Logan, you SUCK!!! I had to get a 3.5 cm hole cut into my gums and jaw bone to take care of a wicked cyst left be the aforementioned screw up. So here I sit for a few days trying to heal up. On a plus note, I am having time to work on my menu for the future restaurant. I might need testers to try out some of the menu items, if anyone is interested.

The ice cream sales are going well at the Wing Coop. I am hoping to finally get my business license worked out and start selling to other restaurants. If any of you have not had the Daddy's Gourmet ice cream then you are missing out. Also, join the Daddy's Gourmet facebook page to see what the next flavor will be.

Mya is getting all set for her new brother by getting a big kid bed. She is wicked smart and funny. The other day she was driving with Karissa, and they stopped at a red light before turning right. Karissa proceeded with her turn and Mya got all over her for going when the light was red. I guess she did it for the next few miles until karissa apologized for going on red. The kid is awesome. Well, back to healing and doing nothing much.

The World Needs Me

2010-02-17T09:38:00.003-07:00

There is a great need for incoherent thinking in this world, so I will return to my blogging!! I am like a super hero, with the special power to talk and talk without ever making a bit of sense. (Ha, ha foul villain!!! I have come to tell you that there is no way that any of this will ever go on while I am any where around this area, or while I can breath the air. But I will never go away so you should not hope for that because there is no chance of this happening.) You get the idea of what it would be like. So many things have passed in the last months of my lack of writing, where can I ever begin? First, Karissa is pregnant with kid number 2,3, and 4. That's right triplets!! What do you think about that? So we need name ideas because we cannot think of names that stick. But she is due in the end of June, rockin' it in the summer! Can I just say that I very much dislike the music groups on Disney, any of them. I think Disney has done the world a great injustice by putting these people on TV. Think of a world without freakin' Britney Spears or any of those other people from Disney, it would be too nice we must not dream it. Anyway, that rant is over..... Disney owes us all, I' m done. Mya is getting to be such a big kid. We are trying to get the potty training down. How do I teach something that I myself do not understand? Just kidding, I am very nicely house broken. We are officially van people. Got ourselves a phat minivan, put rims on it and now it is bumpin'. I will soon be starting my dessert business. I am going to start by selling ice cream. If anyone has any flavor ideas then let me know. Okay, I will stop now,but I will post again, so please come back real soon, ya here. FYI- Some things in this post may not be totally true, I will let you decide.

Tell Them What They Have Won, Sven!!!!

2009-05-06T21:14:00.005-06:00

As promised here is the infamous far side spoken of in previous posts. It is just plain funny and nothing more. I think we should have a philosophical discussion about this comic. I am pretty sure that is how Hell is going to be, so if you don't like sandwiches don't do bad. In other news, I have completed my finals and am the proud owner of one semester of school. Isn't it just the cutest thing you have ever seen!! Not housebroken though, going to need lots of towels, lots. I wanted to congratulate Bryce for getting the movie trivia right here on I Bent My Wookie. He wins a weekend getaway in Waffle country. Katie guessed correctly as well but it was on Facebook. So she will get a lifetime supply of waffle makers. How many do you think that would be? Will you actually go beyond 5 waffle makers ever? I guess this is the trivia question for this posting. Lets here everyone's educated guesses, the winner will get a autographed picture of me!!! How about that for a prize? Well I must go and pack. Mya and I are flying to AZ to meet up with Karissa tommorrow. Tune in next time for a receipe for pita bread, it will be great fun with lots of humorous hummus humor hawking. Say it ten times, fast, you know you want to.... give in and yell it from your computer chair, I dare ya.

Hey Look, Time!!!

2009-04-25T01:24:00.005-06:00

I am a week away from finishing this semester of school and now I will write to the world!! For the two people that come to this blog, let me know if you like the Waffles! You read this and in the morning I am making waffles!!! - Name the movie, winner gets a waffle- We are dong great, still have all toes and fingers attached. Looking forward to summer, Mya is sick of hanging out with me in the house all day. But I don't blame her, can you imagine being with me for nine hours straight? Raise your hand if thoughts of suicide jumped into your mind after thinking of that scenario. I am more worried about those of you that thought is sounded like fun, some real weirdos out there. I am enjoying the culinary schooling. I want to put some reciepes either on here or another website. I will keep you all informed, if any of you cared for that sort of thing. I have to admit, I love to cook!! It is like being a scientist but without all that stupid thinking to get in the way. Next summer I am looking at going to Italy for an internship, so get your requests for souvneirs in early. Karissa already requested the statue of David, something about looking at something less fat and hairy. I don't know what that means, she speaks in code. With the semester ending I will have more time and will do my darndest to blog and even share food stuff. Let me know if there anything certain you want to know about. I will get you something, may be a lie, may be a scorpion in your sandwich, that's why it's hell. (A classic farside, I will post it next time) Now go, cook something and rejoice in the glory that is making a grilled cheese naked. Sizzle, baby Sizzle!!!!

A Few Pictures and News

2009-01-13T13:44:00.000-07:00

Welcome all to the year 2009!!! I know I am a few weeks late but I just woke up from the new year eve party. We know how to party here in SLC. I am sure that everyone had an enjoyable Christmas. You can tell from the pictures that Mya loved it. Well with the new year I have started back at school and love every minute. I can say this now because the first day was yesterday. We don't have anything else going on at this time. Our life is fairly boring except for little Miss Mya. I swear that kid is nuts!! She has gotten into setting the table and enjoys putting plates all over the table. We have so much fun, everyday is a party! I hope my time will allow me to keep everyone up to speed on all the fun that goes on. But for now I must leave this entry, less exciting I know but they can't all be great. Go now and be full of pleasure and oranges.

DC Dance Party in Da House!!!

2008-12-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

No pictures this week (a united sob from the audience), but I do have many words which will paint a picture in your mind. So everyone sit back and open up your imagination's, this sounds like the beginning of a Sesame Street episode. Karissa and I have just returned from a trip to Washington DC. Fear not I will get the pics of the trip up pronto. We saw everything we could in a few days, from the White House to the crazy's that walk about swearing. Ah memories..... We hooked up with B-Rock and went dancing. That Obama can do the hustle like nobody's business!!! He was smooth but the same can not be said for his lovely horse.... I mean wife. But what do you expect from a women that is as broad as a bulldozer, but to her defense she does a mean robot!! So this was a good highlight apart from the many historical sights we saw. We left our house in disarray because of a flood. I am not exaggerating when I say that Noah had nothing on what we had to go through. Maybe that is a bit much but at least Noah did not have to deal with Stove Top floating about his office. But we are dried out now and happy to be home. However, I will not be eating Stove Top stuffing anytime to soon.

December cometh like a Ninja (Throwing Stars Not Included)

2008-12-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

A hardy happy December 1st to you all!! I am sure you all enjoyed the turkey day and are feeling the fun regret after. Our Thanksgiving was nothing to brag about so that is all I will say on the matter. Mya is going to be 18 months this week, so that is exciting. She is repeating everything, so no more swears. Just kidding, you can curse around the child if you need too. So what is everyone asking Santa for Christmas? I am hoping for lingerie. I love the way lace and satin caress my skin and it really makes me feel pretty. Karissa thinks I look best in a shear babydoll. I hope you all are able to picture the beauty of me in the outfit, and only the outfit, maybe some heels for the sexy legs. Well enough of my wife's disturbing fantasy and let us rescue our minds from the dark gutter from which it has been placed. It sure is a good thing no one reads my blog otherwise people may think me a bit strange. Okay, go out and party like it is 0 BC, because of Chirstmas, birth of Christ, uhh.... you guys get what I am saying. I gotta go get groceries (check the alliteration), need anything??

Is Anyone Out There?

2008-11-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

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I am sure that no one is reading my blog anymore so I will ramble on using only swear words. Nah, I can't think of that many anyway. For anyone who reads this, I have been very delinquent in upkeep on the old blog. I got real busy trying to start my company in August. If you want to see the site it is, www.lastwordstudios.com. The rest of the time is spent partying with Miss Mya. The kid is a nut!! I swear she is crazy. Mya has no fear about climbing or jumping off of anything. But so far nothing broken, just some bumps and bruises. She was Supergirl for Halloween and looked great. Karissa is having so much fun working, NOT!! A bit depressing working with folks in foreclosure and all. We are planning a trip to DC in December which will be wicked awesome. Maybe I will see Obama. If I did I would be like,"Hey you're like a terrorist. Be cool and don't blow up my house". Then he would be like,"Solid! I can dig it my man". That would be an awesome conversation, the kind that only dreams are made of and more. For all those wondering, no I do not think Obama is a terrorist. But his wife could easliy pass for a spot at the Kentucky Derby. She is huge!!! She probably threatened Barrack to run for president. "You be president or I will break you in two." I would be scared of her too. Barrack our prayers go out to you in trying to avoid your wife. Well, kids this is all for the return of the mack/blog. I will write again soon, so make sure you become one of my followers to find out about all the fun and adventure there is to have. Word to your Mothers.

Great Start for July

2008-07-05T21:26:00.000-06:00

Happy 5th of July to everyone!! I am sure each of you had a wicked bash to celebrate our independence. In honor of the founding fathers we blew stuff up!! Actually I did not but our great neighbors did around midnight. I went outside and shook my cane at them and told them to cut off that racket. I need my beauty sleep, this sweet piece of man candy does not just happen. I would like to announce that my wife and I celebrated our fifth anniversary on the 1st!!! Yeah that's right, she stayed for five years. I know some people owe me money. I actually believe that Karissa has not made a run for the border yet because she thinks I have a large inheritance coming to me. But don't tell her that there is nothing, it will be our little secret, hee hee. We saw the most romantic movie, "Hulk", isn't that sweet, the big green man is hitting everyone, reminds me of our wedding. Then Karissa got sick at dinner, and we went home early. I would have to say that this date is in my top five, well.........................
at least top ten. As for Mya, she is the noisest freakin' kid out there! I am not joking. We went to the mall and there was a ton of kids, and she blew them all away. Other than being a banshee she is adorable and fun. We also took her on the boat for the first time. Mya had fun, all the rest of us discovered that we are out of shape. My body said to me after the experience,"Oh, so you can't sit around for a year and then do activities. Dang, Twinkie the Kid lied to me!" Alright, it is off to bed for our little clan. One note, tonight after Karissa laid Mya down and was leaving, Mya rolled over and said, "See ya". She is a cute kid. Peace to all my peeps, both chicks and bunnies.

Oodles of Pictures in a week

2008-06-18T11:28:00.000-06:00

My dear wife informed me that I was doing a insufficient job of posting pictures, so here are a gaggle. These pictures tell a lot of what we have been doing. We had Mya 's birthday numero uno on the 5th. Karissa made Mya the wicked butterfly cake. She ate with a spoon and was very methodical about the whole thing. I proceeded to recreate a dishwasher in cake form. I did this because the dishwasher is Mya's favorite toy. So you can check out the picture of our cakes, and yes there is a floor, rug, and plant made from fondant. Check out the pics of Mya jammin' on Rockstar!! If you are not excited that is fine, Mya will do it for you. The last picture is our band of misfits at my sister's wedding on the 7th. Along with all of this Father's Day just came around, and I got waffles!! My wife is totally awesome, and smokin' Hot!!!! So we have been busy as bees, minus making honey. Oh yeah, I am starting my own business doing video editing for weddings and stuff. So if anyone has videos they would like me to put together let me know. I did Kaiti's wedding video and it turned out great. Email if you want or tell all the people you ever meet and they can email me. Well thanks for reading and all of you go eat something, you look to thin.

Mya of the Carribean: Cursed Nipples of Fortune

2008-05-21T11:47:00.002-06:00

I know I have slacked in my blogging efforts but ye behold, the World shall be blessed with another blog entry. There was much rejoicing!! As you can see from the video, Miss Mya is walking. Now she looks like a drunken sailor baby. Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a baby's life for me. Pass the bottle around but bring your own nipples! Well it is becoming spring and the weather is getting warmer, it also means that we are about a week away from Mya's 1st birthday. I would like to congratulate Mya on her perseverance through her first year of life. Not an easy job considering the father. If anyone wants to get her a present, then she really wants a new Macbook. I will post pictures of the wicked party that is going to go down. But goodbye for now, and a merry June to you all.

Donde esta la bibliotheque?

2008-05-05T15:27:00.000-06:00

Hola to you all and a happy Cinco de Mayo!!! I am sure that you all have big plans involving tacos or queso in some form. This week I find myself in an interesting situation. Mya and I are alone for the whole week since Karissa is on a business trip to Ohio. Karissa told me that if Mya starts to walk when she is away, to push her down, and stop her. So this week I am on the look out to stunt any growth my child might make. One of the simple joy's of parenting. Mother's day is coming up and as some of you may recall the idea of womb candy was blogged about previously. Anyone that reads this needs to share with everyone else their ideas for their mom. Then we can compare to see who is a good child and who is not, it will be awesome. But before we even get to the Mom's, let us party with mucho ranchero musique y grande pinatas. Ole!!

Things that make you go Ha!!

2008-04-28T11:35:00.001-06:00

If you did not laugh at the video then you may need to check your pulse. This is one of those videos that should be shared with everyone. The family and I went the zoo this last week. My favorite was the guys that brought beer and got smashed. Because you know, the zoo is better with a buzz. These are the kind of people that end up falling into the gorilla cage, and then they win money on Funniest Home Videos. Life makes sense once more. We also saw a baby left alone asleep in his stroller. We looked for the parents but nada. I guess they missed the class about keeping your infant with you when you walk. After we got security to get the kid to customer service (25 minutes later) the group of three people finally ran up. This is your feel good moment of the day. Also, everyone check out the cool search engine I put on the blog. Try it out, you can actually find things. I will end today by saying if your going to leave your child stranded anywhere, remember to take your nachos off the top of the stroller before you get too far.

A chair, to be or not to be?

2008-04-25T11:40:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking what life would be like as a chair. You wouldn't really do much with yourself, but there in would lie the blessings of being a chair. What would everyone expect of you? To be a chair!! As said chair I would feel that I was truly being all that I could be. Since this has been my thought process for the last few days, I have accomplished as much as a chair would on a day to day basis. Life does indeed continue to rattle on and we are all partners on the love train that is our existence. Sweet Mya has discovered how to crawl under things. Now, my genius barricade of the coffee table is obsolete. But not to worry, I fixed the problem by shoving pillows under the table. Me smart do things good.
I will say that I wasted my time with a terrible movie called "The Invisible". I am so upset about watching it that I am warning anyone within the sound of my blog to stay away!! It was just so bad, like suck the life out of you bad. I am still recouping from this experience, and yes, you may send cards or balloons to help me get better. Well, everyone go now and be the best dang chair you could be, or a stool if your dream is to be such. But then you will get all the jokes from the chairs about stool samples and stuff, so you make the call.

I Have Returned!!!!!

2008-04-17T11:59:00.001-06:00

After an extended void of posts I have finally returned!! Inspired by the vast readership of this blog I will now press forward and entertain you all. Well, we moved to Salt Lake City to get more smart. But the idea has since changed and I will not become known as Dr. Berndt. But anyone of you can call me that and I will still preform cheap surgery in my basement. Now I am the coolest stay at home Dad ever!! As I write this, Mya is busy playing with chemicals or some sharp object. Karissa is the winner of bread right now. So our life has thrown another fun curve. I feel like Moses, God said go that way with all my people, and he walked into the desert, smiling and skipping all the way, parting this and smiting that. Now, the Lord said to us, "Hey, go to Utah and become a doctor, it will be totally rad!" That is not a direct quote from God, because we all know that the Lord is hip and with it, so He would not use the word "rad".
I hope you all enjoy the Mya pictures. There will be more to come as I am going to attempt to make a posting either daily or every other day. Please come back and bring a friend because nobody should blog alone, it's just sad. Like that dog at the pound that you know no one is going to adopt. Sad, just sad.
Homework: Go adopt a pet.

No Pictures but Plenty of Placenta

2008-01-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

I apologize for another pictureless posting since I know everyone only visits to see the pics of Mya. The camera is in hiatus while we get the move on. But please, wipe your eyes and prepare to be dazzled by my terribly incomplete grasp of the english language.

The boxes continue to pile up around us and soon box forts will be plentiful. Our move takes place in about 10 days. SLC ain't ready for the kind of craziness bombs I'm gonna drop. Now that you have reached the half way point take a minute for an intermission dance party!!!

I hope you sufficently found your groove thing and then was quick to get upon the aforementioned groove. A reminder to everyone: Valentine's Day is coming up, so don't forget to purchase many heart shaped items. We should put shapes to more holidays. I think that Mother's Day could be the shape of a womb, kind of oblong or something, and just think of the candy you could put into it! Everyone post their ideas for womb candy. I would get one with achocolate umbilical cord and caramel placenta. I would love to see that commercial. "Mmm, Mmm, that's a delicious placenta!!"

I hope you all are now thinking of your mother's womb and what candy can be put into it. But for now free womb candy to you all!!!!

This Train is Leaving the Station

2008-01-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

Saturday is a special day!! Welcome to the weekend everyone, I am enjoying this weekend because my last day of work was Friday. Come Monday I will be jumping on the unemployment train. Choo-Choo!!! Or as Ralph Wiggum would say, "You choo-choo choose me."
We are going to keep up the packing and get ready for the move. We are going to move to Salt Lake City, for all those who were curious. I look forward to moving large boxes in a snow storm.
As for this weekend, I will spend my time watching PBS. There is always a great show on about fish or something. Karissa brought up a good point last time we watched PBS. Should we really watch PBS if we never make donations to their many telethons? This is a question for you all to discuss while you wait for the next fun filled blog.

WWTIHD? (What Would The Incredible Hulk Do?)

2008-01-22T07:58:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the 2007 award winning blog!! I had to take time off to celebrate but now we are back to get that groove thang a shakin'. Karissa and I are currently in the process of getting ready to move to Utah, being laid off sure is fun! I would like to thank my company for the absence of severance.

Aside from the whole moving thing all is regular for us, ya know, sex, drugs, & rock n' roll. Mya is out growing everything she owns, so her clothes make her look like the incredible hulk. You won't like Mya when she is angry!! Notice the picture, just like the Hulk, the pants always stay on. This is all for now but be prepared, the laughs keep rolling with the Berndt's. See ya'll real soon!

Parfait or NPR?

2007-12-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

I am grateful to say that nothing is going on in my life. Beside the fun of watching Mya drool on everything and going to work, not much happens. When I am at work though I started listening to NPR. You may be mocking me right now, but you try it and then thank me in an e-card later. You ever meet someone that tries NPR and then says,"No, I don't like no NPR"?
When I listen to all the things around the world, it made me happy to say nothing is going on. Our little family is doing well and Mya is in the 97th percentile for all metrics. I think she is 6'8", about 210 now. I am raising her like a communist Russian athlete, lots of running in snow and steriods. Everything I ever learned I learned from "Rocky IV". Everyone take a moment to remember Apollo.......

Let us all wipe the tears from our eyes and get on to listening to NPR while eating parfait in the snow. I think that is a good recap of what has been said.
Politics is a big deal, especially if your a LDS member, everyone talking about Romney and being a Mormon. Who cares what religion a president may be, I am more concerned with him getting his home teaching done. How does the president do that? They could all go to Camp David for the lesson. Think about being his home teacher, "Brother President, is there anything we can do for you? Meals, yardwork, someone assasinated.. whatever you need we are here for you and your family."
That would be pretty awesome, I bet you wouldn't miss a month. Otherwise he might call you out during the State of the Union address.
Alright, everyone go do your home teaching and stop being overly amused be these writings. Apollo Forever!!!

Thanksgiving

2007-11-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

Turkey day 2007 is in the books and I have added another layer to my winter fur. I played in a turkey bowl for the first time in six years. I forgot that my legs don't appreciate being used that consistently. Luckily, I was not injured, which is always the biggest concern when I do anything. We spent this T-Day at the home of Karissa's sister, Kara. Eating and playing Guitar Hero on the Wii is all we did with the rest of the day. Karissa ate some bad turkey and went crazy, which is why she went shopping the next morning at 4:30am. When I think about the day after Thanksgiving sales I see in my mind scenes from the "Mad Max" movies. There is the Tina Turner like woman and the crazy mohawked busniessman with woman on chained leashes. As Karissa left the house I said to her," Honey, is the mounted gun turret needed on top of the car?"

People go nuts and do anything for that last door buster. But this is all there is for our holiday time. I hope you are all getting ready for Christmas. Come back again and you may just find the secret to life here in these ramblings.

Welcome to the Jungle

2007-11-10T00:34:00.000-07:00

One last picture of the Mya Monkey, but now she is with her friend Jeffrey the Giraffe! We are teaching them that it is a jungle out there. Ha, Ha, Ha!! The joke is not funny but the kids sure are cute.

Beating a Dentist but Losing to a Wizard

2007-11-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

I must celebrate, for today I beat the dentist!! He will have no victory over my mouth. After bad times between me and the dental man we are finally at peace. I have never had the best luck when it comes to the inner going ons of my mouth, ie. my multiple tongue surgeries. But hooray for this day and the simple accomplishment. My foxy wife has begun the Harry Potter books, and I have lost her to that danged wizard kid. I believe she thinks more about Harry then me during the day. Josh and all other folks who had a spouse with this secret affair know what I am talking about. That is alright, I get to spend my free time making insane amounts of spreadsheets for fantasy basketball. I think I will go make more right now. Autobots roll out!!!

PS- Thanksgiving in two weeks, prepare me a turkey leg and the frosty brew that thus dust have for me. For I have been parched in battle and have the king's thirst.

What's up doc?

2007-10-26T11:51:00.003-06:00

The last few weeks have been full of craziness and random thoughts. Karissa and I have decided that it is off to Med school to become a doctor. This was the hardest decision we have ever had. We are still a little in shock that we actually are going to try for it. But really, I had nothing better to do for the next ten years of my life. With this decision has come a whole lot of very scared feelings, can I do it or will I be any good at it? Needless to say, I am rather terrified at the prospect. If anyone who reads this, all none of you, has any advice or good vibes, then please send them my way. As always, I hope you enjoy the pictures of Mya. She is going to be a monkey for Halloween.

Something to brighten your day

2007-10-19T15:23:00.000-06:00

If you haven't heard a sweet laugh today then here you go.

A Blog to end all blogs

2007-10-17T12:34:00.000-06:00

I thought I would join the world wide web and write all my thoughts down for no one to read. My life is super duper, with my beautiful wife and cute as many buttons daugther, Mya. I am a lucky guy and all of you out there now know. Looking at the picture it is lucky Mya ended up looking like her mother.